Friday, March 19, 2010

Frustration and Exhaustion

I am so frustrated…EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never in my life struggled this much with my lack of energy and “get up and go”. All I want to do is lay in bed or on the couch. I don’t even what to get up off the couch to go pee because by the time I get there I have no energy left and just have to sit there a little longer than I want to. I just thought I was pushing myself to hard the week before Chase’s birthday but it has gotten worse. The other day I got really pissed off at my body because it would not do what I wanted it too. I am at the point where I am just want to cry and I do a lot. Then, I think what kind of help is sitting there crying doing.

Todd and I have realized that I can go one night without anyone helping me. So he has been taking a couple hours off when he has the night shift two days in a row or my mom has been coming over to help.

My poor kids…they just keep going with the flow..while I cry, Campbell cries with me. Then I feel bad because a four year old should not be consoling her mother. What kind of mother am I? I think I am getting more emotional because treatment is almost over. One week left of radiation, then just Herceptin every three weeks. Then what? Right now I worry once treatment ends…it will come back..I think I am just scared about having time to do what I want and my day no longer being controlled by doctors, scans and drugs.


More than Survival said...

Melissa! I'm glad you shared.... Dang, why does life have to be so hard!!!!????? I wish I could give you some of my energy... share the energy drain!

Sarah said...

I know that you are frustrated and exhausted, but I wanted to let you know that your post also inspired me. I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself the last few days... due to my broken leg earlier this year, training for the mini has been a bit daunting... you remind me that others are overcoming so much more. Thank you for re-igniting my spirit! Lots of love and prayers coming your way!!!!

La Mama Loca said...

Hugs and prayers!! You are a great mom, even if you are tired, even if you cry! You and Campbell will have a super close bond because of what you've been through together! We love you! Keep fighting! Rest! Be strong!