Friday, March 19, 2010

Frustration and Exhaustion

I am so frustrated…EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have never in my life struggled this much with my lack of energy and “get up and go”. All I want to do is lay in bed or on the couch. I don’t even what to get up off the couch to go pee because by the time I get there I have no energy left and just have to sit there a little longer than I want to. I just thought I was pushing myself to hard the week before Chase’s birthday but it has gotten worse. The other day I got really pissed off at my body because it would not do what I wanted it too. I am at the point where I am just want to cry and I do a lot. Then, I think what kind of help is sitting there crying doing.


Todd and I have realized that I can go one night without anyone helping me. So he has been taking a couple hours off when he has the night shift two days in a row or my mom has been coming over to help.

My poor kids…they just keep going with the flow..while I cry, Campbell cries with me. Then I feel bad because a four year old should not be consoling her mother. What kind of mother am I? I think I am getting more emotional because treatment is almost over. One week left of radiation, then just Herceptin every three weeks. Then what? Right now I worry once treatment ends…it will come back..I think I am just scared about having time to do what I want and my day no longer being controlled by doctors, scans and drugs.

3 comments:

More than Survival said...

Melissa! I'm glad you shared.... Dang, why does life have to be so hard!!!!????? I wish I could give you some of my energy... share the energy drain!
Heather

Sarah said...

I know that you are frustrated and exhausted, but I wanted to let you know that your post also inspired me. I have been feeling a bit sorry for myself the last few days... due to my broken leg earlier this year, training for the mini has been a bit daunting... you remind me that others are overcoming so much more. Thank you for re-igniting my spirit! Lots of love and prayers coming your way!!!!

La Mama Loca said...

Hugs and prayers!! You are a great mom, even if you are tired, even if you cry! You and Campbell will have a super close bond because of what you've been through together! We love you! Keep fighting! Rest! Be strong!