This is more like a free write...very hard to write about it.
Campbell was with my mom on Sunday. My mom and Campbell were talking about Christmas and getting Christmas trees. Campbell tells my mom that she may have to put up the Christmas tree this year by herself because she is afraid her mommy will die before Christmas. I am not quite sure how my mom kept her compsure, but she talked to Campbell and told her that would I be around for Christmas.
On Monday, mom told me about this. Needless to say I think about the conversation and I cry; I called Todd and talked to him. On Monday evening, I sat down with Campbell and talked with her. She told me she is worried that I will go to heaven with Jesus before Christmas and it will be because of cancer. I explained to her that my doctor will tell me when I am going to die. Mommy and Daddy will let her know what the Dr. tells us and until then she does not need to worry about me dying. I then told her that if she ever wants to talk to anyone about mommy dying she can call her aunts, grandma's or Ms. Beccie.
I hope part of it is that this past week I spent a lot of time laying down, not eating, and feeling just miserable. It is hard for myself and Todd to understand what is happening to my body. I can not even imagine what she is thinking. I am going to talk to the doc's today about how to help her.... hopefully, she won't be completely jaded and ruined from my cancer.