Friday, January 15, 2010

My version

Monday and Tuesday was quite a blur for me.  I had no idea how much cause of concern I gave all of you until yesterday when Todd and I actually talked about.  Dr. Kennedy was amazing through it all and before both surgeries she held my hand as I went to sleep. 

On Tuesday, Dr. Kennedy was changing my bandages and I decided I did not want to look at my new chest.  Todd did want to.  So, I close my eyes while Dr. K and Todd looked at my wound.  After a few minutes I opened my eyes and looked at Todd.  He a look of relief on his face.  It made me feel so good that I did not see a look of disguist on his face.  After it was covered back up, I asked him about it. He said it was really bruised but it did not look as bad as he thought it would. 

The rest of Tuesday was much of a blur.  They gave me the pain pill Presect (sp?) and it caused quite an allergic reaction.  I felt that there were things crawling on me and I could not stop itching.  So they went to a different drug that did not have the side effects.

Wednesday morning Dr. Kennedy came in about 7:00 and asked if I wanted to go home.  I was a little stunned but excited to see my kids.  When she was in the room I asked her if I could see my chest.  She took off the bandages and held my hand.  Todd held my other hand while I looked.  When I first looked, I started to cry immediately.  I am not sure how to explain what I felt when I looked.  Almost a sense of relief and some sadness because of the drastic change to my body.  Dr. Kennedy talked to us about how this was a step towards being cancer-free.  Todd and Dr. Kennedy was so supportive during the unveiling of the change.  Later in the morning as they were changing my bandages and I only cried a little. When I went to the shower I was checking out my chest and thought that it look like my cousin's chest did when he was a kid.  Just concaved and really bruised.  The incision is still covered up by a bandage that will fall off in the shower.   

Todd was told by the doctor that they only took out all of the tissue that had to do with the breast.  She said that when they give me a new breast they can do lyposuction on what I call my arm pit fat!!!  If you are girl, you know exactly what I am talking about. We will know the pathology reports by Monday.  Which will let us know a lot more details about the cancer.

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